Profits & "Dear Diary"

Some times we all need a little diversion from working
on our online income goals.  And so I am submitting the
"diversion" here.........
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Dear Diary,
.
For my birthday this year, I  bought a week of personal
training at the local health club. Although I am still
in great shape since being a high school football cheer
leader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea
to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and
made my reservations with a personal trainer named
Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim
wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get
started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart
my progress.
.________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but
found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health
club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of
a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a daz-
zling white smile.  Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and
showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful
way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my
workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging
as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching
from holding it in the whole time he was around. This
is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
.________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out
the door.  Christo made me lie on my back and push a
heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! 
My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made the full mile.  His rewarding smile made it all
worthwhile. I feel GREAT - - a whole new life for me.
._______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the
toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and
forth over it.  I believe I have a hernia in both
pectorals.  Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club
parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting
that my screams bothered other club members..  His voice
is a little too perky for that early in the morning and
when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY
annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so
Christo put me on the stair monster.  Why would anyone
invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered
obsolete by elevators?  Christo told me it would help me
get in shape & enjoy life.  He said some other crap too.
._______________________________
THURSDAY:
Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth
exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a
full snarl.  I couldn't help being a half an hour late--
it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work
out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and
hid in the restroom.  He sent some skinny witch to find
me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine
-- which I sank.
._________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that jackass Christo more than any human being
has ever hated any other human being in the history of
the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little
aerobic instructor.  If there was a part of my body I
could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him
with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps.  I
don't have any triceps!  And if you don't want dents
in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill
flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher.  Why couldn't it have been someone softer,
like the drama coach or the choir director?
.________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his
grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up
today.  Just hearing his voice made me want to smash
the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the
strength to even use the TV remote and ended up
catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
.________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today
so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.  I
will also pray that next year my husband will choose a
gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a
hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend
over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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